Instead of New Year's resolutions, which most of us aren't all that great at keeping, why not look for some areas in your life where you'd like to begin anew?
Here are some tools to make starting over a little easier and your new year a little more emotionally fit.
- Starting over is not the same as recouping from a failure. It is a new beginning. This mindset is helpful because it keeps you from wasting your time being too hard on yourself.
Moving through life is like climbing stairs. You go up a step and then you level off. Nothing is ever a straight shot. Have some patience with yourself and with your newfound direction.
A new year is also a new decade and may be a new life if you approach it in the right way. Sometimes little ideas can turn into big things. Try writing that letter to the editor or, if you need to, make the choice to drink a little less alcohol.
Endings are not necessarily bad things. Even if the past year was your best so far, the one ahead might just leave it in the dust. This is also true if it's been your worst year so far, and you've suddenly found yourself unemployed or unattached.
Starting over may feel scary, but it's really a cause for celebration. Think of it as exciting, and many of your anxious feelings will begin to fade.
Remember that your future is not governed by your past. No matter what has happened in your life, you can find a way to make things a little better for yourself, and for those around you as well.
Having to start over is different from choosing to start over. For those whose lives are still in chaos because of manmade and natural disasters, starting over is not a choice. Giving support to those in need and being able to accept it when necessary are great qualities.
Healthy alternatives to negative lifestyle patterns abound. Take baby steps if you don't feel comfortable making all your changes at once. If you can't stop a bad habit, start by cutting back. It's okay to give yourself a little time to moderate or stop something that's hurting you.
It's not all about joining a gym to get fit. What about taking a dance class to get in shape and have fun at the same time? Starting over can mean chasing your dreams. We're happiest when we're moving toward a goal.
Starting over is about giving yourself a chance at real happiness. You will have to be brave and get good at learning new things, but how bad can that be? At the very worst, you will acquire the skills you need to start on the next project.
The new year is a great time to start over. Remember that once you honestly commit to the changes, you have already begun the process.
Dealing with change
Healthy behavior change, when it does happen, doesn't happen overnight, experts know. They have urged doctors to help patients understand this so they won't become discouraged so quickly and think they've failed.
On its Web site, the American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP) posts a 2000 journal article describing a classic model of the steps involved in undergoing personal change. The "Stages of Change" model was developed by James O. Prochaska, co-author of "Changing for Good: A Revolutionary Six-Stage Program for Overcoming Bad Habits and Moving Your Life Positively Forward" (Collins).
Here is an excerpt from the article posted on the AAFP site. The full text is available at http://www.aafp.org/afp/20000301/1409.html.
The Stages of Change model shows that, for most people, a change in behavior occurs gradually, with the patient moving from being uninterested, unaware or unwilling to make a change (precontemplation), to considering a change (contemplation), to deciding and preparing to make a change.
Genuine, determined action is then taken and, over time, attempts to maintain the new behavior occur. Relapses are almost inevitable and become part of the process of working toward lifelong change.
Precontemplation Stage. During this stage, patients do not even consider changing. Smokers who are "in denial" may not see that the advice applies to them personally. Patients with high cholesterol levels may feel "immune" to the health problems that strike others. Obese patients may have tried unsuccessfully so many times to lose weight that they have simply given up.
Contemplation Stage. During this stage, patients are ambivalent about changing. Giving up an enjoyed behavior causes them to feel a sense of loss despite the perceived gain. Patients assess barriers (for example, time, expense, hassle, fear, "I know I need to, doc, but ... ") as well as the benefits of change.
Preparation Stage. During this stage, patients prepare to make a specific change. They may experiment with small changes as their determination to change increases. For example, sampling low-fat foods may be an experimentation with or a move toward greater dietary modification. Switching to a different brand of cigarettes or decreasing the consumption of alcohol can signal a decision that a change is needed.
Action Stage. This stage is the one that most physicians are eager to see their patients reach. Many failed New Year's resolutions provide evidence that if the prior stages have been glossed over, action itself is often not enough. Any action taken by patients should be praised because it demonstrates the desire for lifestyle change.
Maintenance and Relapse Prevention. These steps involve incorporating the new behavior "over the long haul." Discouragement over occasional "slips" may halt the change process and result in the patient giving up. However, most patients find themselves "recycling" through the stages of change several times before the change becomes truly established.
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